Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
