he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
