holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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