i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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