What a fucking waste of an outfit
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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