You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
