Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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