okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We have so much sex to catch up on
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
