Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
