Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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