Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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