how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
