whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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