last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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