He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
