You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
