He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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