Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
