you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
