shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
