So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
