I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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