i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
