We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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