youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
