Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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