My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I have post one night stand depression
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
