Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
