"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
