How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't deserve a penis
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
