He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
