The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
