Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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