The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
