Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
