Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
