I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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