she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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