He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
