I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
