Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
