It's Friday. Sex?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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