I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
