This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
