Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
