GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
