I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
