I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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