Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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