Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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