he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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