so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
