I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I believe in your delicious
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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